If you’re anything like me, there are days when you look into the eyes of your precious bundle of joy and wonder, “Am I screwing you up permanently?” Sure, your question may sound a little different, but we’ve all had the thought as parents. I have had that thought often as I have discovered the one song that can calm my little girl down 99% of the time… which happens to be “Echame La Culpa” a Latin Pop single that currently in the top 20 of the Global charts. And in those moments when she is peaceful as the Latin rhythm, is ramping up into the hook I wonder, “Am I screwing you up?”
The short answer is probably not. Children are human beings, too, equipped with the ability to make choices that determine their own outcomes. Even the “best” parents have had their moments of conflict, indecision, and worry when their children make poor decisions. We can relax though, and lean into God’s grace and care. And pray really, really hard that God takes care of them.
See, in the time of Abraham, children were considered property until adulthood, when boys would become self-determining men… and women would still fight against being called property. (Not God’s design, but man’s.) Abraham would have expected Isaac (and Ishmael for that matter) to be under his sole authority and molding. God quickly disillusioned Abraham of that by allowing Ishmael to be sent away and asking for Isaac’s sacrifice. Suddenly, Abraham was faced with the reality that his children didn’t belong to him, but to God, their Creator. Suddenly, there was a bigger plan and much larger picture that Abraham was forced to look at and realize that God would have to work to accomplish it. And, I think, Abraham was better for facing that reality.
And if you read the Prophets, you realize that even God faces the reality that His children make poor decisions and have to face the consequences of them. Even through constant warnings and calls, Israel and Judah both chose to face the rod of Assyria and Babylon rather than turn back and choose to repent. We can find hope and empathy in God when we face those moments, too.
Parenting isn’t about winning a prize or raising the next Pulitzer winner or President. Parenting is an exercise in discipling a young life. A disciple is someone who is consistently moving towards Jesus – becoming more like Him. And if we can raise a child who becomes more like Jesus every day, that’s a win. It may not lead to the highest salary, or the greatest awards or accolades, but it will lead to a child growing into someone who becomes more like Jesus and calls others to do the same.
Cut yourself some slack. God is with you. Do what you can and let God handle the rest. You’re doing well. Be at peace.
What parts of your child’s development worry you most? When do you wonder if you’re “screwing your kids up?” What Bible passage gives you the peace and hope you need to continue each day? What’s the one thing you hope your child will have when they become an adult?